Seedling
by Fifty Pence
Summary: It's Severus' first year of teaching. He finds himself entangled with the hard-worn Tabitha Wexler, who is risking it all for what was supposed to be a no strings attached fling with her Professor. There's something about her that Severus cannot resist, even if it spells trouble.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters and themes belong to J.K. Rowling. May she forgive the liberties I've taken with her characters.**

_Author's Note: So before we get started, I have to add in the obligatory "This is really smutty, read at your own risk" warning. I should probably warn you about the fact that this is a teacher/student story so if that isn't really your thing, I highly suggest you back out now. _

_It has been a really long time since I've put anything I've wrote up on this site or any other site for that matter. For now, I don't have a beta and I'm self editing so pardon any mistakes you might find. I'm trying to catch them all before I publish but a few might escape my notice. _

_I started this story well over a year ago and it's the only story I've consistently worked on. I've had issues with depression and writing, which used to be a passion, took a back seat and I've found it incredibly hard to do over the last few years, so this probably isn't a masterpiece or anything close to it. I'm trying my best to get back on the horse. It's also incredibly fast paced and in it's entirety probably won't be more than fifteen chapters. _

_I can't tell you how often I'm going to be updating this story. I can't promise anything at this point in time but encouragement is my biggest motivator. _

Prologue

Severus sat and watched the young witch, moving from table to table, carrying drinks to and fro as he nursed his own glass of wine, silently trying to work up the nerve talk to her.

The young witch was pretty; with straight black hair that reached just beyond her shoulders and steely blue eyes. She had a habit of pushing her hair over her shoulder, Severus noticed as he watched her. She'd smiled at him when she'd brought him his wine but hadn't said much other than "there you are," before taking off to the next table.

It was a busy night at the Three Broomsticks and Severus was getting a bit antsy about the sheer number of people. How on earth was he supposed to invite the waitress back to the Hog's Head, where he had taken a room with all of these people around to witness it? It was best to wait until there weren't as many people around because there was a very distinct possibility that the witch would turn him down. It had happened more than once.

Severus had spent the better part of two months shagging his way around the country, picking up different women in different places to have his way with. He was about to embark on his first year of teaching and was well aware of the fact that sex would be somewhat of a rare commodity once he was teaching full time. He wanted to get it out of his system. Most of the women he picked up were found in pubs, most of them reasonably attractive but most of them drunk enough to find him worthy of mating with.

Now it was one night until he would be moving into the castle and he wanted one last hoorah. The problem was he wasn't sure if the waitress would go with it or not. She was sober and most sober women turned him down. It was also apparent that she was younger than him, by how much he couldn't say but it couldn't have been by much. Severus sincerely hoped she'd go for it. It was rather too late to find another conquest. The waitress was pretty and he wanted her. He just hoped he wasn't wasting his time on her.

The later it grew, the more impatient he became. He couldn't quite work up the nerve to speak to her when she dropped off glasses of wine for him and it was rather packed that night. It was half past eleven before the pub had cleared out enough to where Severus felt secure enough to ask her. He would waste no time; he'd be blunt and he'd be quick.

The waitress looked exhausted when she came to his table and Severus was aware that his chances of bedding her were pretty slim but he had to try.

"Can I get you another?"

"No," he said, shaking his head and covering his glass with his hand. "I'd like to pay my tab, if that's okay."

He withdrew a pouch from the interior of his robes, extracted gold from within and handed it to her.

"That should cover it," he told her. "Keep what's left."

"Thank you," she told him with a smile as she counted the coins out. She turned but before she had chance to walk off, Severus gently grabbed her by the wrist. She turned, looking confused.

"What time does your shift end?" He asked in what he hoped was a seductive voice. The girl looked vaguely uncomfortable. "I've got a room at the Hog's Head. Would you like to join me for a nightcap?"

"My shift ends at midnight," she told him uncertainly. "But I'm not really sure..."

"What's your name?"

"Tabitha," she said, her voice a near whisper.

"Well, Tabitha, I'm Severus. I find you highly attractive and would like nothing more than your company for the rest of the evening."

A blush swept across the girl's face, proving her susceptible to what he called his charm. It was almost crass, he was well aware, but Severus was not one to beat around the bush. Either she'd say yes or she'd say no. Much to his surprise, she gave him a short nod. He gave her a small smile in return.

"I'm in room two," he told her as he stood. "I'll see you in a while?"

Again, the waitress nodded but said nothing more before turning on her heel to go drop his gold in the till.

Back in his room at the Hog's Head, Severus worked quickly to tidy everything up; there were robes strewn about and the bed was unmade. The owner of the inn didn't seem to employ any sort of housekeeping staff. Besides that, Severus was to leave for good in the morning but it took nothing more than a mere few flicks of his wand to pack everything away in one of his four trunks that housed most of his belongings. It was a quarter til midnight when he decided to sit down with a book. He chose a history text to while away the time before the witch called Tabitha showed up.

Severus was more than pleased that she'd agreed to come. He had honestly expected her to turn him down but the fact that she hadn't painted a picture of a lonely, overworked girl in need of some way to wind down. Severus was more than willing to help her out.

It was fifteen past midnight and Severus was about to give up hope and have a wank when a soft knock sounded at his door. He stood still for a second, unsure if he'd heard it or merely imagined it out of sheer desperation. But then after a few moments it came again. Severus promptly answered it, finding the girl standing there in a traveling cloak.

"I wanted to freshen up before I came over," she told him once she was inside the room. She shrugged off her cloak revealing herself wearing a short skirt and tights with a white button up blouse. It was a far cry from her work attire and it suited her well. Severus couldn't wait to peel those tights off of her. "Funny. This place has been here for ages but I don't think I've actually ever seen the inside of it before."

Tabitha gazed around the room, shifting on her feet. Severus felt a slight pang of annoyance. He wanted to get down to business not engage in small talk with her.

"Would you like a drink?" He asked, gesturing to his side table where two bottles stood; one whisky, the other wine. Tabitha shook her head.

"Not much of a drinker," she told him. "I smell it all day at work. Doesn't really appeal to me."

Severus felt a bit deflated; part of his plan was to get her at least slightly drunk so she'd let go of her inhibitions. The options were limitless with a girl who was too drunk to have any reservations.

"Well, perhaps we should get straight to it," he told her, unable to hide his irritation. Surely the girl knew what she was in for. Surely she realized what she had agreed to by showing up.

He swept toward her in one fluid motion, took a finger and lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. The blueness of her own were quite striking, almost akin to Dumbledore's penetrating gaze but Severus found fear within hers. It was part of the reason he preferred his women drunk.

Severus pressed his mouth into hers, though he could hardly call it a kiss. Tabitha seemed to hesitate but didn't pull away from him.

"You seem skittish. There's nothing to fear," he told her in a low voice. Her breathing had gone slightly ragged.

"I'm...not scared," she whispered but it was clearly a lie. Her voice was shaking slightly. "I'm just new to this, is all. I've been approached several times but I always say no."

"So why did you agree now?"

The girl bit her lip and chewed slightly, apparently thinking on her answer.

"You seemed different, I suppose. For one, you weren't completely tanked. For another, you're not old enough to be my dad."

"You're a virgin, then?" Severus asked. She nodded and looked for a moment as though she might cry. Severus wasn't sure whether to be elated or disappointed. He'd never been with a virgin before.

"I know what you're expecting of me," she told him. "And it's not that I'm exactly adverse to the idea but I always wanted my first time to be with someone who is special to me, not some meaningless one night stand that I'm going to regret in the morning."

Severus was silent for a moment, his anger building. What on earth was she doing here if she wasn't going to fuck him? If her standards were set so high, why in the hell had she agreed so readily to meet him?

"What do you want me to say? I'm only going to be here one more night. After that, I'm gone. I didn't ask you here to be my girlfriend."

"I know," she said quickly, her face flushing. "We can do all the other. Just not..._that_."

Severus pondered it for a moment; he wasn't a teenager anymore, he wanted more than just foreplay. But all the same, it was much too late to find another woman to while away the night with and getting off without having sex with her sounded much better than doing it all by himself.

"As you wish," he conceded. "Have you any sexual experience at all?" He was rather hoping she had, he didn't want to spend all night teaching her about it all. It seemed much more tedious than enticing.

"Some," she told him with a shrug. "I've had a couple of boyfriends. We just never went all the way. Never seemed right to me."

Before he could respond or say anything, the girl had sank down on her knees and was undoing his fly. He stumbled slightly, surprised by her gumption but held himself steady by catching ahold of a bed post.

His cock stood readily at attention the second she grabbed ahold of it, lazily pumping her hand up and down over the shaft, bringing it to its full hardened length before taking it in her mouth.

Severus gasped slightly, not expecting her to be so forward, but she ran her tongue over the tip of his cock, building moisture before sliding him down into her throat almost.

_Some experience? _He thought, his eyes very nearly rolling into the back of his head with pleasure. She had clearly sucked a dick or two in her day. And was she moaning? He changed a glance down and realized she'd somehow managed to get her tights off and was vigorously touching herself. It was almost more than he could handle. He felt on the brink and was just about to warn her when he unexpectedly seized. He was deep in her mouth and he held her head in place as he coated the inside of her mouth with his seed. Once he was finished, he released his grasp on the back of her head and she sprang back, slightly gasping.

"Let me see, girl," he commanded of her. The girl opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out at him, curled slightly as to keep the cum in place. Severus was more than a bit satisfied. There was nothing more erotic than seeing a woman take his seed so readily. "Swallow it."

The girl obliged with no complaint.

It was an interesting night, indeed.


	2. Chapter 1

_Author's note: It took a lot of painstaking energy in order to hit the publish button on this story for reasons I can't exactly explain other than the prospect of anyone reading this makes me extremely nervous. I didn't expect any response and was absolutely delighted that I got a review within a few hours of posting it. So shout out to my Italian speaking guest reviewer, hopefully this chapter answers some of your questions. _

_Again, I can't promise how often I'll update. Life can be extremely demanding sometimes, especially when you have children, which I do. However, encouragement and reviews are always appreciated. If I'm aware that people are reading and enjoying my story, I'm way more apt to update. _

_ I will be working on getting some sort of story image up at some point as well. This isn't something I have a lot of experience in doing, but it's something I wouldn't mind learning to do. My resources and knowledge of software and apps I could use are rather limited, so if anyone has any suggestions on what some of the better and easy to use programs/apps are, that'd be mighty helpful. _

Chapter 1

Tabitha Wexler was never the most punctual girl in the world. She hated not being on time but she couldn't ever seem to make it to anything early or precisely on time. She'd received more than one detention during her school career for being tardy.

Between spending the night before in a stranger's bed, working a full shift at the Three Broomsticks and being asked to stay a couple of hours after she was due to end her shift, Tabitha was now running extremely late to her seventh and final Welcoming Feast at Hogwarts. She'd been so busy, she'd completely forgot to pack her school trunk, so she'd had to pack it in a hurry. Luckily she'd remembered to change into her school robes before dashing madly off toward the school, her trunk floating awkwardly behind her.

The gates to the school weren't sealed shut when she arrived and Tabitha was able to slip onto the grounds, though it wasn't a small journey to the castle. Normally she waited for the train to arrive and rode in on the horseless carriages with everyone else. She was deeply annoyed, mostly with herself, that she had to make the trip on foot.

The sorting was just wrapping up when Tabitha found her way into the Great Hall. She was fully aware of the eyes on her as she made her way to the front of the Hufflepuff table, where the only space available was. She kept her eyes to the ground, her face burning furiously; she hated attention.

"Now that most of us have arrived," Dumbledore said merrily, as he stood from his seat. Tabitha didn't dare look up. "I'd like to welcome you all back to another year at Hogwarts!"

There was a smattering of applause but it didn't last incredibly long. Most of the students were eager to get on with the feast, but Dumbledore's speeches never lasted more than a few moments.

"Before we tuck in, I'd like to introduce two new additions to our school's fine staff," Dumbledore continued, his voice echoing throughout the room. Tabitha's stomach rumbled slightly as she eyed her empty plate. She hadn't realized how incredibly hungry she was. "First, of course, is our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Ms. Madeline Dixon." Tabitha looked up, and to the left of where Dumbledore sat at the staff table sat a beautiful young woman with long blond hair and a heart shaped face. She smiled and gave a small wave.

To the right of Dumbledore's spot sat the other new teacher and for a moment, Tabitha sat in shock as she eyed the sour looking, black haired man. Her heart gave a terrible start when she realized that he was the man she'd spent the night with at the Hog's Head, the man who was so eager to get into her pants. Tabitha very nearly threw up, especially when he looked her way.

"And as Professor Slughorn has decided to retire to pursuit the finer things in life, might I welcome our new Potion's teacher and Head of Slytherin House, Professor Severus Snape…"

Professor Snape, didn't budge or move from his spot, in fact it seemed as though he were rather ignoring Dumbledore. There was thunderous applause from the Slytherin table but the Potion's professor didn't acknowledge it. He stole another glance in Tabitha's direction, blinked and then looked away haughtily, as though all of it were beneath him. At the realization that she'd be spending class hours with the man she'd sucked off the night previously, Tabitha's appetite suddenly waned.

Tabitha found it hard to enjoy the feast, she couldn't believe she'd made such a huge blunder. She never went home with patrons and she wasn't sure why she agreed to last night. She was oddly drawn to him; he seemed different from the rest and Tabitha couldn't quite put her finger on what it was about him that made his offer so tempting. And even though he'd spent a better part of the early morning begging her to let him fuck her, he'd backed off when she'd firmly told him no. But it didn't change the fact that she'd done unspeakable things to him, just as he had to her and now she had to face him at school.

Tabitha had started working at the Three Broomsticks when she was sixteen. Madam Rosmerta had been exceedingly kind to her, when Tabitha explained her home situation. Tabitha had gotten into a fight with her mother, Lisa, on the second day home after her fifth year at Hogwarts over money. Precisely, her mother wanting to spend grocery money on smack. They'd brawled right there in their shabby living room. Lisa had decked her in the face. Tabitha's nose began to gush blood and while she was distracted, Lisa had managed to grab the cash and once she had it, she was gone. Tabitha left, not knowing where to go, so she took the Knight Bus to Hogsmeade and begged Rosmerta to let her stay a few nights and offered to work for her, just so she wouldn't have to go back home to her mother's dozy, glassy eyed stare as she fought to stay awake. Rosmerta obliged and Tabitha had worked there every summer holiday since. Never once did she ever go home with a man, and she'd been propositioned more than once, until the night before. It truly had come back and bit her right on the arse.

It was Tabitha's ultimate goal to become an Auror and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't just drop potions, not without sacrificing her dream. She certainly didn't want to be a waitress for the rest of her life. She would inevitably have to face Professor Snape. She'd just have to grit her teeth and try to forget about it all.

Tabitha did not sleep soundly that night. She kept having dreams of being in potion's as Professor Snape singled her out and explained to the whole class what exactly she'd done with him, a creepy smile never leaving his face. The rest of the class jeered at her and she suddenly realized she was bare arsed naked. She fled the room but the haunting sounds of cruel laughter followed her. Waking up the next morning was a relief, even though she was bone tired.

Time tables were handed out the next morning and Tabitha took hers with a bit of apprehension, worried that she'd have potions first thing that morning. She didn't think she could stomach it firsts thing, but much to her relief, she had Defense Against the Dark Arts first. Potions was her last class and it was a double, but she only had Potions every other day rather than every day. It wasn't a class she particularly struggled with but it wasn't her strong suit either. She managed to get decent enough grades but she'd had to work for them. Transfiguration was what she had the most trouble with, but McGonagall was an apt teacher who didn't mind helping her students as long as they were willing to give it their all, which Tabitha was. She needed a decent score on her N.E. to qualify for Auror training.

Because Tabitha spent most of the day dreading going to her last class, the day seemed to drag on, and there wasn't a single teacher willing to be lax on their first day. She had a ton of homework and she had a free period just before potions which was eaten up by the mountain of work she'd been assigned. She spent it all in the library, trying to get caught up with it all and by the time she realized what time it was, she was nearly ten minutes late for potions. She shoved all of her books and works into her bag and dashed off toward the dungeons, trying not to have a complete nervous breakdown before she got there.

The entire class looked up when she entered. Professor Snape was standing at the front of the class, having apparently been giving a speech. He eyed her sourly as she took her seat, next to a Slytherin girl, who very slightly scooted over, as though she were afraid she'd catch some of the wrath that was surely to come Tabitha's way.

"Tardy the first day," Snape said, softly, as he began to approach Tabitha's table. "Your name, girl," he commanded, as though he didn't already know it. Or perhaps he'd forgotten.

"Wexler, sir," she whispered in a shaky voice, trying her hardest to not burst into tears. "Tabitha Wexler."

"Your house?"

"Hufflepuff, sir," she said, a bit louder.

"And do you care to share with the rest of us why you thought it prudent to interrupt valuable class time?"

"I'm sorry," she said, looking around at everyone but Snape himself. She was shaking slightly and still she fought the urge to cry out of pure humiliation. She went most of her life trying not to stand out in a crowd and she hated being the center of attention. "I just have an enormous amount of homework and I was trying to get a head start on it and lost track of time…"

"As I am certain that everyone else around you has a plethora of assignments, no one but you managed to be late."

Tabitha didn't understand why he was making such a show of it. Most of the other teachers would've taken house points away and been done with it. But Snape seemed intent on making her as uncomfortable as he possibly could, just like he had in her nightmares the previous evening.

"I'm sorry," she repeated.

"Thirty points from Hufflepuff and see me after class," Snape said with an air of finality and swept off back toward the front of the room, where he picked back up on his lecture. Tabitha tried her hardest to pay attention but she was shaken to the core by the encounter. He hadn't exactly been polite the night they'd spent together, she could tell he was more than a bit impatient but he oozed with malice now. Perhaps this was his way of getting her back for not shagging him. There was a small amount of solace in the fact that she hadn't gone all the way with him. At least she had that going for her.

Snape spent the better part of the period talking about his expectations of them, what he thought the class should accomplish by the end of the year and what they would be learning with him. He didn't have them brew anything that day, but he did assign them a rather lengthy essay on basic components of most healing potions as they'd be focusing heavily on healing and medicinal potions for the better part of the first term. Tabitha dreaded the end of the class, but she paid rapt attention to him, taking notes, not wanting to give him another excuse to get into her face in front of everyone. It was an extremely taxing two hours.

After the bell rang, Tabitha waited until all of her classmates were gone before she approached Snape at his desk, which she did so with extreme caution, holding her book bag to her chest as though it were some sort of shield that would protect her from his wrath. He waved his wand and the classroom door slammed shut.

"You didn't tell me you were a student," he told her, frowning, though it wasn't an angry frown. In fact, he looked rather confused and uncertain.

"You didn't ask," she said, feeling a bit bold, knowing that she had something against him should he decided to turn completely nasty with her.

"I just assumed because you were a waitress that you were an adult."

"I am an adult. I'm seventeen. In fact, I turn eighteen later this month," she countered. "And yeah, I waitress. I've been doing it since I was sixteen, sir. I can't go home during the summer holiday, so I work instead. Didn't realize that was against the rules."

"Enlighten me, why can't you go home?" He had an eyebrow raised. Tabitha sighed. He was the last person she wanted to explain it to but she felt she owed him an explanation. He obviously felt duped and it wasn't her intention to entrap him.

"My mum is a smackhead, she makes life very difficult when she's using," Tabitha said.

"A smackhead?" He looked thoroughly confused. Tabitha backtracked a bit, realizing that she was using muggle terminology, something he likely didn't understand.

"She's addicted to drugs, sir. Heroin, if I'm being precise, though she'll take anything she can get her hands on when she can't find smack."

"And your father?"

"Don't know him," Tabitha muttered, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. "Scarpered when my mum told him she was pregnant."

"Is that why you chase after older men?" Snape asked nastily.

"I don-" Tabitha was flustered and could hardly form a coherent thought, let alone a sentence, he'd turned on her so quickly, but it left Tabitha feeling more than a bit angry."I didn't fucking-"

"That'll be another twenty points from Hufflepuff for your language," he replied lazily.

"You're the one that asked _me _back to _your _room!" Tabitha said loudly, wanting nothing more than to hex him to hell and back.

"You'd do well to not ever bring that night up," he said in a dangerous voice. "I can make your life a living nightmare."

"Are you _threatening _me?" Tabitha asked, gaping slightly at him.

"I believe I am, Wexler. Think about that the next time you lose track of time. I expect you to be on time to every single one of my classes and should you continue to be tardy, I will not hesitate to give you the boot."

"You can't do that!"

"I can't?" Once more, he cocked an eyebrow out her, as though challenging her to tell him what he could and couldn't do. She realized she'd been beat and that he was one up on her. He was a teacher, he had way more authority, and being that she was overage, consenting and what had happened had not happened on school property, she had nothing on him.

"What do you want from me?" Tabitha asked, feeling the burning urge to cry for the umpteenth time that day. This time a tear did fall but she wiped it away before it could fall very far. She was beyond frustrated.

"I want you to keep your mouth shut," he told her firmly. "Not a word of what happened the other night to anyone."

"Of course not," Tabitha replied, defeated.

"And don't expect special treatment from me, either."

"No, sir." Her shoulders slumped. She'd never felt so low in her life. She'd had high hopes for this school year, being that it was her last, but it seemed as though it were going to be hell on earth.


	3. Chapter 2

_Author's note: Here's another chapter in hopes that it can generate some interest. Also, I'd like to add a trigger warning; there are some pretty sensitive subjects covered in this chapter, such as suicidal thoughts. If these things cause you distress, I urge you to skip forward. _

_I would also like to point out that I know this story isn't a masterpiece or anything of that sort. I'm still trying to get back into writing and am extremely rusty. For that, I apologize. How ever, I feel as I write on it, the better and more descriptive I'm getting .I really wanted to put it up somewhere because I thought perhaps as long as I knew I had a couple of people who were enjoying the story, it would give the push to keep writing on it. So I would love to hear if you're enjoying. Again, I am self editing for the moment, so please forgive an occasional typo. I write on my phone rather than my PC (makes it harder for people to read over my shoulder, which when you have kids and you're writing smut, it's generally not a good idea to have it where it can be seen) and auto correct likes to be unhelpfully helpful. _

_This story, if finished, will have a sequel. In fact, I started the sequel first and when I went to write the prologue, it just sort of spiraled and became its own story._

Chapter 2

Over the course of the next several weeks, Tabitha managed to keep up with her school work, though she was finding herself having much more trouble with potions than she'd ever had before. She wasn't sure what the cause of it was. Perhaps it was the fact that their new teacher expected a lot more than Slughorn ever did, and purposely assigned them the most complicated potions with the most piddly instructions. Or maybe it was because Tabitha was terrified of Snape because of the way he sneered at her whenever he came into close proximity with her. Even her Transfiguration marks were a damn sight better than her potions. Tabitha was honestly scared she was going to end up failing out of potions.

However much difficulty she was having with potions, she was managing her other classes well. The new DADA professor, Dixon, was well versed in the subject and was a favorite because her homework assignments weren't terribly taxing. At least they had one teacher that was semi sympathetic toward the seventh year plight, but then again she was young and probably not long out of Hogwarts herself. Much like Professor Snape, though he didn't seem nearly as young, even though he couldn't have been more than twenty-five.

Then came Halloween. The news had came later on that evening that the Dark Lord had been defeated and it was due cause for celebration. It seemed like no matter where Tabitha went, there was a party. The Halloween feast was an extremely cheerful event but as more details began to emerge, there was also a quiet somberness to the celebrations, in honor of James and Lily Potter, both who had given up their lives.

Tabitha didn't do much celebrating that night. She wanted to study rather than party, even though she was rather elated by the news. She'd gone up to her dorm and placed a few silencing charms around to keep the party noises from seeping into the room while she buried herself in homework. She decided to first start with an essay assigned by Snape, hoping that it would achieve at least an A. Her last essay has earned her a P.

Before she had a chance to get started, she realized with horror that her potions book and notes were not in her book bag. The last place she could remember seeing them was in the potion's classroom. She must've forgotten to put them back in her bag when she turned in a phial of Dittany. She was always so eager to get out of the classroom, she was bound to forget something eventually. She couldn't help but be a bit angry at herself for not being more attentive with her belongings.

Tabitha had little choice but to trek down into the dungeons in search of her book and notes. Tabitha cursed under her breath when she tried the classroom door only find it locked, which meant she was going to have to find Snape and ask him to let her in. There was a very decent possibility that he'd tell her no and fail her for not being able to complete his assignment. But she had to give it a shot. If he rejected her request, she might be able to go above him to the Headmaster and force him to let her re-do her assignment, so she trudged down the drafty and musty corridor to Snape's private office, hoping beyond hope that's where he was because she didn't fancy searching the castle for him.

Much to her surprise, the door to his office was ever so slightly ajar. There was an odd sort of low whimpering noise emitting from the cracked door. Tabitha hesitated before knocking, wondering what on earth could be making that awful noise. Was he punishing a student in there? She held her breath and knocked a bit lightly, not wanting to disturb the door.

No answer came and after a few moments of hearing nothing except that strange noise, Tabitha couldn't help herself. She needed to find Snape. So she braved cracking the door wider and taking a peek inside. Snape was at his desk, his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking. Tabitha realized with numb horror that the sounds were coming from _him. He was crying. _

But then something else caught Tabitha's attention. In his hand was a bottle of dark red liquid that looked almost like blood. The previous school year, they had extensively studied antidotes. Tabitha had learned how to recognize most poisons as a result and what Professor Snape was holding was definitely a very volatile poison that would kill him almost immediately if he drank it, which Tabitha was sure was exactly what he was planning to do.

"Professor Snape?" Tabitha asked softly as she stepped into the office, quietly shutting the door behind herself so no one who happened by could witness the formidable professor in such distress. He'd made quite the name for himself as being the absolute most loathsome teacher in the school. While Tabitha would've liked nothing more than to see him knocked down a peg or two, this was serious.

Tabitha approached the desk with caution, not wanting to startle him but wanting to capture his attention. The poison was clutched tightly in his hand and Tabitha was tempted to pry it out.

"Professor?" She asked again. This time his head shot up. His face was streaked with tears, his eyes were puffy and his nose was running. His face immediately twisted into a hateful snarl when he realized exactly who it was that was bothering him.

"What?" He asked sharply. "Why aren't you celebrating with the rest of them?"

"As much as I'd love to, I'm suffocating under a mountain of homework. I left my book and notes in your classroom." Tabitha had almost forgotten about what she'd came down to the dungeons to do and it almost didn't matter anymore, after seeing Snape in such a state. "You're upset. What's the matter?"

"That is absolutely none of your business and you'd do well to forget about this," he said. He dug in his robe pocket and pulled out a key and tossed it to her. Luckily, she caught it in one hand. "Go get your notes and leave me be."

"I don't think I should leave," Tabitha said cautiously. She nodded toward the bottle of poison in his hand. He looked at it, almost surprised to see it, as though he hadn't realized what he was holding. "Not until I know you're not going to drink that."

"What's it to you if I do? You and the rest of the student body would love nothing more than to see me gone."

"That isn't true," Tabitha half-lied. She took a step closer, her endgame in mind, which was to get that bottle away from him. She'd had plenty of experience negotiating with her mum, who had threatened suicide more than once, especially when she couldn't get a fix. "Stop and think for a minute, Professor."

"I've nothing to live for, not any more," he muttered. "She's gone. I fucked everything up and now she's dead."

Tabitha was confused but she didn't let it show, though she had to wonder who he was talking about. But getting answers right then wasn't a priority.

"Is it really worth taking your life over?" Tabitha asked.

"It doesn't matter," he said miserably. "Nothing matters."

"But you matter," Tabitha told him. She stepped behind the desk and approached him, holding her hand out, hoping he'd give her the bottle. He looked at her for a moment, his eyes searching hers, looking confused. "If to no one else, you matter to me."

"You're a terrible liar," he told her, and glanced down at the bottle.

"No, honestly, you do. I care, I really do. You may not be exactly nice to me, but I think you're a pretty good teacher. You'd be depriving us all of a proper education if you drink that poison. That's your gift to the world, you know?"

Tabitha couldn't say she knew the man proper, but she was desperately hoping she would hit some sort of nerve, a nerve that would make him care enough to not do what he was thinking of doing.

"You're terrible at potions," he reminded her quietly, but sat the bottle down on his desk, his shoulders slumped in defeat. Tabitha breathed an inward sigh of relief. She snatched the bottle up and stuck it in her pocket.

"I did just fine last term," she told him. She was much too relieved to feel insulted. She made plans to stop by the toilet on the way back to her dorm, to dump the poison. But she wasn't ready to leave quite yet. Not until she knew for sure that Snape wasn't going to do something absolutely stupid. So, Tabitha found a chair and pulled it up to the side of his desk, sitting up straight with her ankles crossed.

"Care to explain?" She asked.

"No," he said sourly. "It's hardly any of your business."

"Like I'm going to tell anyone," Tabitha said, rolling her eyes heavenward. "I certainly have a few secrets that I've kept to myself involving you."

"I told you," he said with a scowl. "Don't bring it up."

"You can trust me, Professor. You should talk about it."

"I just wasn't thinking clearly. I wasn't going to actually do it," he groused. "You can leave."

"That isn't how it looked to me. You're upset about something. A woman?"

"It's none of your business," he repeated firmly.

But something clicked in Tabitha's mind and suddenly she understood almost perfectly clear what the picture was.

"You're upset about Lily Potter, aren't you?" She asked softly. Snape suddenly went rigid. "Did you know her well?"

"Leave," he commanded in a dangerous whisper, pointing fiercely at the door. But Tabitha stayed perfectly still, making no attempt to do as he said. She felt a surge of sympathy for him, knowing that if someone she cared about was brutally murdered, she'd be a mess too.

Tabitha stood finally, but instead of leaving, she stood before him and smoothed a strand of his hair out of his face, behind his ear. He flinched slightly at her touch but then he did the most peculiar thing of all; he wrapped his arms around her torso, pressing his cheek into her stomach, just below her breasts, his eyes closed, taking in shuddering breaths.

Tabitha stood still for the longest time, listening to him choke back tears as he clung on to her. It was really sort of pathetic but Tabitha didn't judge him. She couldn't stand to see another person suffering, which was both a blessing and a curse. Compassion made Tabitha feel good but at the same time, people had it within their capacity to take advantage of it. It had happened more than once. But this felt safe to her. She was doing nothing more than comforting a tormented soul.

Finally, after what seemed to be eons, Snape let go and looked down at the ground, clearly embarrassed.

"You may go now," he said quietly. "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Tabitha asked, still feeling the weight of the bottle of poison in her pocket. Snape gave a short nod and turned away from her.

So, Tabitha left, but not before stopping by the classroom to retrieve her things; she slid the key back under Snape's office door when she was finished, leaving him undisturbed.

After dumping the contents of the poison down a toilet, Tabitha briefly wondered if she should tell someone about Professor Snape's suicidal behavior. Perhaps the Headmaster ought to know so that someone could keep an eye on him. Against her better judgement, she decided against it. She didn't want him to feel more humiliated than what he already did. She took him at his word when he said he would be okay and left it at that.

A week later, when Snape handed back her essay, she was surprised and delighted to see that he'd given her an A.

_Author's note no. 2: If someone you or someone you know is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, I'd like to encourage you to seek help for you or that person. Please do not ignore warning signs. Telling someone could mean the difference between life and death so please speak out and never be embarrassed to seek help. I do not condone how I wrote Tabitha not seeking help. I just felt like that action was truer to the character I created. _


	4. Chapter 3

_Author's note: This chapter has been sitting in my doc manager for a few days now so decided to go ahead and post it. It's considerably longer than the previous chapters. Please don't hesitate to let me know if you're enjoying this story so far. It would totally make my day if you did. _

_In an attempt to engage with my readers, I'm going to start adding review prompts at the end of the chapters. I saw some one do it once and thought it was a neat idea, so I'm going to give it a shot. I can't promise all of them will be making you think critically. It could pertain to the story, or a character or I might just ask after your day. I suppose it just depends on how I'm feeling at the time. The first one will be at the end of this chapter and I'd so love it if you responded to it. _

Chapter 3

Tabitha did not purposely isolate herself from social interactions but the sad fact was that she didn't have friends at Hogwarts, at least not anymore. Last term, she'd taken to hanging around the seventh years, mostly because her boyfriend at the time, John, was one of them. But they were all gone out into the adult world now and the remaining students assumed Tabitha was aloof and antisocial because she hardly made attempts to speak to them on a social level.

It had been that way for as long as she could remember. Her mum was constantly getting them thrown out of their homes which meant Tabitha did a lot of moving around. It gave her no time to make friends at the muggle schools she attended during her pre-Hogwarts days. The only time she had any stability was when social services removed her from Lisa's care and into various foster homes and group homes. Of course, Lisa always got sober long enough to get Tabitha back and things would be fine for a few months. But Lisa would inevitably always end up relapsing. Thankfully, Tabitha's Hogwarts letter had come during one of Lisa's clean periods and McGonagall, who had come to explain everything, hadn't witnessed Lisa blasted out of her mind.

It was easy to say that Tabitha's seventh year was a very lonely affair, though she didn't quite mind it so much. It gave her the freedom to keep up with her studies.

It was around the end of November when Snape asked Tabitha to stay after class, one day, though she wasn't exactly sure why. Her grades, while not stellar, had been improving. She was finding it easier to pay attention in class and wasn't so afraid of Snape anymore, though he still had a tendency to get downright nasty though it was rarely directed at Tabitha anymore.

"I've spoken with Pomona about you," Snape told her once the classroom was empty. "She tells me it's your wish to be an Auror."

"More than anything," Tabitha confirmed with a nod.

"I don't pretend to know what the logic behind wanting to get into Law Enforcement is, but the fact remains that you're going to need help if this is something you truly want for yourself."

"I think I'm doing okay," Tabitha said with a shrug, but she got the feeling that Snape did not feel the same way.

"You've been improving, I'll grant you, but you're going to need something of a leg up if you want to get the scores you need on your testing," Snape continued. "Dixon says your Defense Against the Dark Arts marks are satisfactory but your Potion grades are bare minimum. I think I can come up with some sort of arrangement to help, if you'd like."

Tabitha stood stunned for a moment, trying to take in everything he had just said. She had a hard time wrapping her mind around it, especially not knowing what his motive was or what it was exactly that he was implying, because if it was something sexual, which was her initial thought, she would feel horribly insulted.

"I'm not sure I quite catch your meaning…" Tabitha said, slowly.

"I mean, that perhaps, I could toss some extra credit your way and give you extra lessons should you need the extra help," Snape said, his usual scowl returning. He looked as though he were regretting everything he was saying but Tabitha's heart fluttered when she realized that he was extending an actual helping hand.

"That sounds great," she said. "But...I'm sorry, I still don't exactly understand."

"What's there to understand?"

"You don't seem like the type of teacher to just blithely offer a helping hand, is all. So why?"

Snape was very quiet for a moment and he refused to look at her.

"You were kind to me," he said, finally. "Not many people have been. I'd just like to return the favor."

Tabitha, unable to help herself, smiled at him, finding the whole thing incredibly sweet, though she was sure Snape was more than a little uncomfortable admitting this to her. And suddenly, she understood why her grades in his class were improving and she had to wonder if she'd truly deserved it. Maybe not, if he was offering to help her. But it was a damn sight better than him just completely giving up on her. Had she not found him in his office that night, Tabitha figured she wouldn't even be taking potions anymore.

"You don't have to, you know," Tabitha said. "I just did what any decent person would've done."

"I want to," he said. "It's the least I can do."

"Well, I'm pretty open to the idea. Just let me know when," Tabitha told him, beaming slightly.

"Well, I'm all out of red moss for my fourth year students. I could order more, but there's plenty in the forest if you know where to look. Perhaps you can help me forage and harvest tomorrow evening," Snape said.

"Sure," Tabitha said with a shrug. "I'll meet you tomorrow after my last class?"

"It'll be a few hours and it'll be cold, so dress warm," he warned her, and then dismissed her with a wave of his hand.

The next evening, Tabitha found herself at the forest edge, waiting for Snape. She had dressed in a pair of jeans, a jumper and threw a cloak around herself for added warmth. She'd been standing there, feeling a bit out of place and nervous for ten minutes before Snape finally graced her with his presence. He was carrying a lantern and a medium sized trunk was levitating behind him, clinking ever so slightly, as though there were something fragile inside.

"Phials and bottles," he explained before Tabitha could ask what was in the trunk. "Follow close. It's dark in there and we don't have much sunlight left."

So, the pair trekked through the forest for what seemed to be ages. The further in they got, the thicker the trees got and the darker it became. It was also strangely quiet, nothing but their footsteps could be heard, traveling down a path that seemed to get narrower the further in they went. Tabitha was almost certain something dangerous would pop out of nowhere at any given second, but Snape didn't seem all that bothered, just determined to get where they were going, wherever the hell that was.

Soon, all Tabitha could see was the gentle glow of the lantern Snape held out in front of himself, but not much more. The already narrow path was starting to dwindle down to nothing and Tabitha tripped over a tree root, causing Snape to stop and glance back at her. Tabitha fell down on all fours, embarrassment stinging her face. She'd dropped her wand.

"Fuck," she groaned, as she groped the ground, searching for her wand.

"What?" Snape asked of her. He sounded grouchy, but that wasn't anything new.

"I've dropped my wand."

She heard Snape sigh and the dim glow of the lantern was replaced by the blinding light of his wand tip. Suddenly, everything came into perfect view.

"Hurry, we don't want to attract anything dangerous," Snape said as he looked around, his face sharp with alertness. Tabitha's wand was very nearly right in front of her and she snatched it up and stood up, brushing dirt and dead grass off of her knees. "_Nox!" _

It was dark once more, aside of from the lantern and Tabitha struggled to find Snape in the sudden blackness. But then, a hand found hers and they were moving forward once more, him guiding her quickly. She was sure he regretted bringing her, but he didn't let go of her hand until they came into a clearing with a small pond that sparkled in the moonlight.

"We should be safe here," he told her. "You may light your wand."

So, Tabitha did and swept it around the clearing. The shore was narrow, but there were plenty of rocks and boulders lining it, and Tabitha stooped down to pick one up, finding the bottom of it covered with a slimy red moss, the very type they were there to harvest.

Snape was now digging in the trunk, rummaging through the bottles. He handed her a few and a small knife which Tabitha knew she would need to use to scrape the moss off of the rocks.

There were twelve bottles Snape wanted filled total, six a piece. Tabitha went to work immediately, crouching and scraping the moss off into the bottles. It was a bit more taxing than she anticipated but she didn't complain, though after a while her back and knees began to ache something fierce and her fingertips were growing numb in the cold air.

Every so often, Tabitha would look up at Snape, to see how he was progressing but the strangest thing; every time she looked up, she caught him looking over at her, and when he realized she was looking back at him, he quickly looked away and went back to the task at hand. He was moving along a lot quicker than she was, and two hours passed before Snape told her he had enough.

Back at the castle, Snape instructed Tabitha to go wash up and meet him in his office. Tabitha obliged and stopped by the closest lavatory to his office she could find. Her face and hands were smudged with dirt and red streaks that had come from the moss. She made quick work of scrubbing down and making herself presentable before making her way to his office. She was sore and cold, wanting nothing more than food and a warm bed.

Snape had a fire lit in his office. He invited her to sit at his desk where a platter of sandwiches and a pitcher of water sat, and told her to eat. Supper was long since over with and Tabitha's stomach rumbled at the sight of food. She wasted no time; she picked a sandwich up and wolfed it down ravenously, not really caring what Snape thought. He slowly ate his own; his eyes didn't leave Tabitha.

"I'm surprised," he said after Tabitha had scarfed down her second sandwich. She was properly full now and so she poured herself a glass of water from the pitcher to wash it all down with.

"Why's that," Tabitha asked, wiping bread crumbs from the front of her jumper. She was really too tired to care about tact and manners.

"Collecting moss isn't as easy as it sounds, yet I didn't hear one complaint out of you."

Tabitha didn't point out that it had been a mostly silent affair anyway and she still couldn't shake the uneasiness she felt when she caught him looking at her when he ought to have been working.

"Honestly, I'm just happy to have an opportunity to raise my grade," Tabitha shrugged. "But I will admit that my back is screaming right now."

Snape dug around in his desk and fished out a small tin. He handed it to her and she opened it, finding a green sort of ointment that smelled of mint.

"For sore muscles," he explained.

"Thanks."

Tabitha rolled up her pant legs and dabbed a bit of the ointment onto both knees. She slowly kneaded it in and the warming effect was almost instantaneous. The pain quickly faded, causing Tabitha to groan in relief.

Next, she peeled off her jumper, leaving her only in a lace up camisole that she wore in lieu of a bra. She found bras to be uncomfortable and constraining, therefore refusing to wear one when she could get away with it. She wasn't incredibly busty so it wasn't as though she needed one for support,and only wore one when she needed to look presentable by society's standards.

Getting the ointment on her back was awkward, as she could not reach the places that really needed it the most.

"Do you think you could…" Tabitha asked Snape, without even thinking. When she realized what exactly she was asking of him, asking him to touch her, she was utterly mortified and quickly muttered," Nevermind."

But Snape stood and made his way around the desk, plucking the tin of ointment from her hands, opening it and began applying it to her shoulders. Tabitha stiffened, unsure of what to think or do with herself. Memories of the night they'd spent together surfaced; him running his hands up and down her body, trying to tantalize her, and it had almost worked. She had very nearly given him permission to shag her that night, as much as she hated to admit it. And now that he was rubbing her down with medicated ointment, relieving her pain, she couldn't help the small tingle that built between her legs.

"Relax," he told her, his hands slipping under the back of her shirt, teaching places she couldn't. But relaxing was easier said than done. There was nothing appropriate about this though she couldn't say that she disliked the way his fingers dug into her flesh, easing the tension that had built into her muscle tissue.

Surely, a few moments of comforting him that night didn't warrant this, Tabitha couldn't help but think. But she couldn't deny that it felt amazing. When he stopped, she almost begged him to keep going, but before she could, he'd leaned down next to her ear.

"I find you beautiful," he whispered, which sent shivers down Tabitha's spine. The warmth of the ointment and the heat radiating from the fireplace was almost intoxicating and left her almost in a trance. Before she realized what she was doing, she was turning her head and placing her lips onto his.

Tabitha fully expected Snape to pull away and was surprised when he reciprocated, kissing her back. She wasn't sure why it was so electrifying, she'd kissed him before. She'd done much more than kiss him. But this felt special, like the beginning of a story she was about to read and couldn't wait to finish. But he was her teacher, and she knew it was wrong and he knew it was wrong, so why the hell were either of them allowing it to happen?

"Professor," Tabitha said after she pulled away, now feeling more than just a bit uneasy. "We shouldn't."

"No," he said, sounding resigned to the fact. "I suppose we shouldn't."

"If we got caught," Tabitha said. "You'd lose your job. I could get expelled."

"I suppose that means we shouldn't get caught, doesn't it?" Snape asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

"How old are you anyway?"

"Twenty-one. You were a fourth year when I was a seventh year, I believe."

Tabitha thought it a bit odd that he'd done the math. She didn't remember him from when he was a student. She stayed clear of most of the Slytherins, they were dangerous and she was a muggle born as far as she knew. But knowing his age made her feel slightly better about the situation. It wasn't as though he could be her father.

"You're a baby, then," Tabitha teased, returning his smile.

"Hardly," he said. He paused for a moment, apparently deep in thought. "Why don't you join me on the sofa?"

Tabitha eyed the brown felt divan. It was large and worn but it looked rather comfortable and she was aching to have a lie down. But she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. What did he expect of her?

"I rather enjoyed holding you the other day," he explained when he realized her apprehension. "I didn't realize how comforting it would be and comfort is something I'm apparently in need of."

"So I'm your comfort buddy?" Tabitha raised an eyebrow at him, not exactly impressed. She realized what he was doing; he was subtly trying to manipulate her to bend to his will by invoking sympathy. And she'd almost started to fall for it. It was a typical Slytherin tactic. "At least my last boyfriend was honest about his intentions."

"And I'm not?"

"You don't want to just 'hold' me and you damn well know it," Tabitha accused with a frown.

"I know that night I tried to entice you into fucking me but do you honestly think that I'm going to risk my job by doing it to you at my place of employment?"

"You said to never bring that night up."

"I swear, Tabitha. You have my word."

Snape did not seem like the type of man to enjoy just cuddling but Halloween he hadn't tried anything. And even though it had been a few weeks and Snape seemed to be doing okay, that didn't mean he wasn't still hurting inside. His increasing nastiness toward other students proved that fact. Perhaps if she did comfort him, his temper would ease. It would be like taking one for the team, only Tabitha didn't necessarily dislike doing it. It wasn't hard to admit that she was attracted to him in some sort of weird way. He was the only one she'd ever been remotely close to having sex with.

Snape stared deeply into her eyes, silently pleading with her to do as he asked. Tabitha sighed, knowing she'd lost and stood. She took Snape's hand and lead him to the sofa, where the both sat awkwardly for a few moments, Tabitha staring into the fire. Neither of them knew what to do with themselves.

Then, finally, Snape stretched an arm and wrapped it around her shoulder, forcing her to draw close to him. He then wrapped his other arm around her, allowing Tabitha to rest her head on his chest, her heart beating rapidly. He smelled of sweat and dirt, but Tabitha probably didn't smell much better herself.

"Your last boyfriend," Snape said after a while. "Who was he?"

"His name is John," Tabitha answered.

"And you broke up with him for what reason?"

"A multitude of reasons, I suppose," Tabitha replied. "He was leaving Hogwarts for good and neither of us felt like we were capable of managing a long distance relationship. It was somewhat amicable, except he was pissed off that I refused to sleep with him."

"Why didn't you?" Snape asked, as though he were totally invested in the story she was telling him. Tabitha wasn't sure she wanted to know why he was interrogating her.

"Oh, we fooled around a bit when we could," Tabitha continued. "I just wouldn't go all the way. He was nice and all but it didn't feel right to me."

"Well, I admire your conviction, however annoying it might be." Snape stated. "But it makes me wonder...would you ever consider me?"

Tabitha didn't look up at him. She knew what he was asking her and she wasn't sure she wanted to answer. She couldn't give him an answer he wanted to hear but she couldn't give him one he didn't want to hear either.

"I'm not sure what this is we have so I really couldn't tell you," she answered finally.

"What we have is companionship," Severus said. His arm tensed slightly around her shoulder. "If I may make my intentions perfectly clear, I'm not out to find a wife or any of that nonsense."

"I think I'm okay with that," Tabitha replied. "There's really no need to rush such things anyway."

"I wish Dumbledore would take on that mindset." Snape sounded annoyed and a bit bitter. "He keeps trying to set me up with Dixon. Always suggesting I go and talk to her, have a drink with her, making sure she sits next to me during meals..."

"She's not so bad," Tabitha replied offhandedly, though the idea of Snape courting someone else made her want to throw things for some reason Tabitha didn't fully understand. "She's amazingly smart. She's a passionate teacher. Not to mention the fact that she's drop dead gorgeous, I mean have you looked at her arse…"

"She's also vain and doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut," Snape said, sounding rather sharp. "And no, even if I wanted to, I haven't paid attention to her arse."

"Why not?"

"I've been too busy looking at you," he said, as though it were the simplest answer in the world. Tabitha was glad she was below him and that he couldn't see her blush. "I've noticed something about you and I'm curious to know..."

"What's that?"

"You're very much a loner. Is not having any friends a personal choice?"

" That's kind of rude, don't you think?" Tabitha asked, chancing a glance up. He was looking down at her but nothing within his black eyes told her he meant any malicious intent. "I've had friends before but they're not something I ever considered a necessity. I learned from a young age to not get attached to anyone. I was in and out of care too much. I'd find a family I really loved being with and then my mum would fight and win me back and I was back to square one."

"Your mother must've cared an awful lot about you if she kept fighting to get you back, "Snape observed. Tabitha made a face.

"Oh sure, she cared alright. She cared when she couldn't get benefits without me," Tabitha snapped, suddenly not feeling so warm and cozy anymore. She rarely ever spoke of her mother to anyone and Snape probing wasn't exactly welcome. "Can we not talk about this? Please?"

"I'm just curious about you is all," Snape said defensively. His grip around her loosened some. Tabitha realized how much of a bitch she was being but she didn't rightly care.

"I do my best to not live in the past," Tabitha said. "She isn't in my life anymore so it doesn't matter."

"You think not?"

"Stop it, okay? You're my teacher, not my bloody therapist!" Tabitha's voice had raised in volume without her meaning it to but she was steadily losing control of her anger. Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to leave. Now, the whole thing with Snape felt like a huge mistake. As nice as it had felt in the beginning, now it seemed almost suffocating. She untangled herself from him and hopped off the sofa.

"I'll stop," he quickly said. "Sit back down."

"I need to get to bed anyway," Tabitha said. "This was nice while it lasted, but I can't do it."

"Can't do what?"

"This," Tabitha gestured at him and at herself. "Whatever the fuck this is. Was."

"You were the one who kissed me," he told her, his face a puckered frown. "You were the one who came to me!"

"It was a mistake."

"No, it wasn't," he told her defiantly."If you felt nothing for me, you wouldn't have allowed it to happen to begin with, now sit down, I'm not finished with you yet!"

He sounded like a spoiled, petulant child but Tabitha couldn't say that he wasn't right to some degree. She did feel something for him but she wasn't sure exactly what that was. Pity, maybe. But that couldn't be all of it. There was something else there, something she couldn't put her finger on. So, she sank back down next to him once more, though she didn't resume her previous position. Instead, she sat there stiffly with her arms crossed on her chest, hating herself a little bit for not having the dignity to leave like she originally intended.

"I won't pry anymore," he said. "I didn't have a happy home life either as a child."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Tabitha retorted, though she immediately regretted saying it. She grimaced slightly and back tracked. "Sorry. I know you're just trying to relate to me in someway. It's just a touchy subject. I walk around feeling so...alien."

"Like you don't belong because everyone else is so happy and content," Snape finished. Tabitha nodded.

"No one is, at least not one-hundred percent of the time," he told her.

"I know. And I know that life could be worse too. I just try to keep looking to the things that matter the most to me. Like my future. It helps to focus on it."

"You know…" Snape said distantly. "You remind me a lot of her."

"Who?"

"Lily," he said with a frown. "She was always so...driven. She was also exceedingly kind, most especially to me, even though I didn't deserve it."

Snape looked for a moment like he was about to start crying. Tabitha grabbed his hand and laced her fingers through his, hoping beyond hope he wouldn't let any tears fall.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Tabitha told him.

"You shared with me, it's only fair that I share with you."

"We don't have to say anything," Tabitha said. "We can just sit here and say nothing."

Snape looked to her and gave her a small smile, squeezing her hand as he did so. Tabitha laid her head on his shoulder.

They remained that way for quite a while.

**Review prompt:** _I think most of us agree that what Snape and Tabitha are doing is unprofessional, but if you weren't into taboo, you probably wouldn't be this far into this. However, I want to know if you think that the age gap is too much or if it makes it slightly less worse, as Tabitha implied. How much of a gap is too much? Should age matter once you're past the age of consent? Leave me a review and let me hear your thoughts on it._


	5. Chapter 4

_Thank you to those who have taken the time to leave a review so far, I find it really touching._

_This chapter is short because I originally intended for it to be one chapter but I felt it was a bit too long. To make up for it, I will be posting another chapter within a day of posting this one. _

_Also, beware, this chapter contains smut. _

Chapter 4

As the Christmas holidays drew near, Tabitha found herself busier than ever. Transfiguration was becoming increasingly more difficult for her so she was visiting McGonagall on a regular basis for additional instruction, though those extra lessons didn't take nearly as long as the one's with Snape did, as Snape was also giving her pointers on Defensive spells along with potions. Not that she minded much, it gave her an excuse to see him privately, something she found herself increasingly craving.

It wasn't as though she were in love with him, that was absurd. But she liked his company, she liked how passionate he was when he taught her and when he kissed her…

But Tabitha was worried about being found out, though Snape insisted they wouldn't. He acted nothing but professionally when they weren't alone. But behind closed doors was a different matter altogether. The second the door closed behind her as she entered, he was on her, his lips pressing into hers. It was hard to resist him but it was such a burden to carry such a large secret.

On their last private lessons before school let out for Christmas, Snape presented her with a small box that was plainly wrapped in brown paper. He'd said nothing as he pressed it into her hands. It confused her at first but then she realized what he was doing. She was reluctant to unwrap it. It made her uncomfortable because she hadn't thought to get him anything, not that she could afford to. What little gold she had managed to save from her job was sitting in a vault at Gringotts. It was earmarked for life after Hogwarts, when she'd need it to live on during Auror training.

"Open it," Snape commanded, sounding more than a bit perturbed that she hadn't ripped it all open.

"This is incredibly sweet," she told him, still making no move to open it. "But I'm not sure I can accept this. It's a bit inappropriate don't you think? I'm willing to bet you didn't get any other student anything."

"I don't share what I have with you with any other student," he pointed out. "Just open the damn thing."

Snape watched as Tabitha carefully unwrapped the box; she was almost frightened of what she might find. But inside was a simple necklace. A triangle shaped pendant with a sparkling blue sapphire on a silver linked chain. Tabitha's heart gave a start. As simple as it was, it was also extremely beautiful. She lifted the chain and watched the pendant twist and turn, admiring the way the sapphire glittered.

"Your birthstone," Snape concluded, observing her reaction.

"It's lovely," Tabitha said, admiring it still. "You shouldn't have. I didn't get you anything."

Snape merely shrugged at her. "I don't expect anything."

"Still seems unfair," Tabitha said with a slight frown. She held the necklace out to him. "Put it on me?"

Snape took the necklace from her and moved around behind her, draping the necklace across her chest. He made quick work of fastening it. He spun her around to get a good look at it.

"It matches your eyes, too," he said. He leaned forward and planted a small kiss on her forehead, which left Tabitha feeling as though she were going to melt.

Tabitha had never owned much jewelry. She'd learned the hard way when ever she would bring any home, no matter how cheap it was, her mum would steal it and try to trade it for smack. One set of foster parents had gifted her a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings for her tenth birthday, but the second Tabitha went back home with Lisa, the earrings were gone and Lisa had stayed blasted for weeks on end after.

"I take it you'll be staying at the castle for the holiday?" Snape asked after a while.

"No, actually," Tabitha answered. "Rosmerta's asked me to come help out at the Three Broomsticks. It gets busy and I could use the gold."

For a fleeting moment, Snape looked disappointed and Tabitha almost regretting agreeing to work but she couldn't put her life aside because her grouchy Potion's Professor was lonely. But the moment wasn't lasting. Snape gave her a short nod, indicating he understood.

"I suppose I'll see you on New Year's Eve, then," he said. "I was told the staff gathers at the Three Broomsticks to celebrate. It's tradition, apparently."

"Sounds like a plan," Tabitha told him with a smile. "But why don't we just enjoy the rest of the evening tonight? I leave tomorrow morning with everyone else."

Tabitha took him by the hand, leading him to the sofa, where they had spent a good portion of their time together, snogging, talking and a lot of times saying nothing and just enjoying each other's presence. But rather than sitting, Tabitha pushed him rather forcefully down into a laying position. She fell down on top of him, crashing her lips roughly into his. He seemed surprised but it didn't stop him from running his hands gently up and down her back and cupping her bum as their tongues swirled together in blissful unison. Tabitha had never been so forward with him but she was feeling rather sentimental over the necklace. She knew he craved more than just snogging from her which is why she didn't stop him when his fingers slipped under the elastic of her knickers. It was the furthest he'd ever attempted to go with her at school and she didn't rightly mind but she was rather worried that he'd expect her to go even further.

"Too far?" He whispered when he felt her hesitation. But his fingers didn't stop; he had inserted one inside of her, causing her to gasp slightly.

"N-no," she said, as he slowly began to pump the finger in and out. Tabitha felt a surge of moisture collect in her nether regions. It was exhilarating, especially when she felt his erection stabbing her in the stomach. His movements were slow and lazy which made her crave more… but she couldn't possibly. Not here, not now.

_But it would be so easy_, she thought. _I could do him and it would be over in five minutes if we're quick. _

_But is that the way you want it for yourself? Don't you think you deserve better? Something more special? _

As she fought her inner war, Snape found her clit and began to rub slow circles around it, smiling wickedly when she gasped and bucked against him.

_You started this. _

The orgasm snuck up on her before she realized what was happening. Snape rubbed and pumped furiously as she rode it out, crying out and shaking intensely as it overtook her body. The aftershock left her trembling as Snape withdrew his hand as she rolled over on to the floor, panting almost. Snape smirked down at her, waggling his finger at her before sticking it in his mouth as though he were enjoying a rather scrumptious treat. While it was erotic, Tabitha couldn't help but feel a bit sleazy. She sincerely hoped he didn't expect her to return the favor; she wasn't sure if she could stomach it.

"You didn't enjoy that?" He asked, an eyebrow raised as he sat up, his smirk still ever present.

"No, I did," Tabitha answered. "I just...at school...we could've been caught…"

"With the way you were carrying on, that was a very real possibility," he said though when he saw the look on her face, his self satisfied smirk faded. "These walls are soundproof. The door was locked. How many times do I have to tell you? As long as you keep your mouth shut, we aren't going to get caught."

"I know," Tabitha said, trying her hardest to be reasonable. They'd done much more before so it wasn't as though it was new. However, that night at the Hog's' Head, he hadn't made her orgasm. No one but herself had ever managed that. Her first boyfriend, Elliot, had been a selfish prick who refused to touch her and John had just been too inexperienced to get her to that point, though he did try. There was something to be said about being with someone who had some idea what they were doing. She expressed this to Severus and his smirk returned.

"If I can make you do that with my hands, imagine what I can do if you allow me the chance to have you completely," he told her.

"I'm sure," she muttered, gathering herself up, not wanting to discuss it. She fetched her book bag and turned back to him.

"And make no mistake, Tabitha, I will have you," he said lazily, as though it were known fact.

At that point, Tabitha didn't doubt him.

**Review prompt: **_What is the best/ most perfect gift you've ever received? What made it so special?_

_For me, it was a scarf my now husband made me one Christmas before we got married. It wasn't pretty by any means but he crocheted it all himself. I love that he did that for me and with his own hands, all the while keeping it a secret from me. _


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

By the time New Years Eve rolled around, Tabitha was exhausted. She worked double shifts, trying to keep up with all the business. She'd never seen the Three Broomsticks so busy night after night since she started working there. She supposed the fall of the Dark Lord made everyone more apt to celebrate. Things had been terrible for so long and now it was over. Tabitha supposed she didn't blame anyone but she spent most of Christmas Day sleeping, while the pub was closed.

New Years Eve found the pub completely packed to the gills. Tabitha could hardly keep up with the orders, but no one seemed to mind her being a bit behind and it was lucky she was of age and could use magic when she really needed to, though she preferred not to. She found that having a personal touch brought in more tips. But that night, using magic was more than necessary to keep everyone's glass full as she made the rounds. She'd already told Rosmerta that she was going back to Hogwarts the next morning. She didn't think she could take another night of being on her feet and she ached to get back to her studies.

Tabitha ran into Snape at a little after eleven o clock. He was in the company of Professor Dumbledore and Professor Dixon, who seemed to be batting her eyes at Snape, which irritated Tabitha. Of course, she could not comment on it.

"Hullo, Professors," Tabitha said, trying not to sound totally exhausted as she approached them. Luckily they all seemed to have mostly full glasses, which meant Tabitha wouldn't have to serve them just yet. It just seemed rude to not at least greet them. "Happy New Year!"

"Ah, Miss Wexler," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling merrily in her direction. "I'd heard tell that you moonlighted here."

"Isn't that interesting!" Dixon said. "I always thought you were an incredibly hard worker. You don't find many students with jobs, do you?"

"It's more out of necessity than anything," Tabitha said. Dixon's face was flushed red and she was swaying a bit. Tabitha had learned the stages of drunkenness a long time ago and Dixon was most definitely at the silly/sentimental stage of her intoxication.

"Of course, you sweet thing. We're all aware of your home situation," Dixon said as she patted Tabitha's shoulder sympathetically. "Oh my! What a beautiful necklace!"

"Er-thanks," Tabitha said as Dixon reached forward and grabbed the sapphire pendant for a closer look. Tabitha chanced a quick glance at Snape. His expression told the story of how he would rather be anywhere but there at that precise moment. He had yet to say a word.

"Wherever did you get it?"

"It was a gift," Tabitha explained quickly.

"A boyfriend?" Dixon gave her a knowing wink.

"Sort of, I guess." Tabitha tried her hardest to not look at Snape, who she'd heard snort slightly, though thankfully it went unnoticed.

"How I wish I had a man to send me beautiful gifts," Dixon said with a pretty little sigh. The woman really was beautiful, Tabitha couldn't help but think. She had beautiful golden flowing hair, doe eyes with long lashes, a rose petal mouth and the clearest complexion Tabitha had ever seen in her life. She was flawless. How Snape resisted her was beyond Tabitha. All the boys at school had a hard on for her.

"Come now, Maddie," Dumbledore said, patting Dixon's arm sympathetically. "Love's grasp will reach you before you realize what's happening…"

"Not soon enough," Dixon replied, swaying a bit. She took a sip from her glass and gave a small hiccup. "I'm not getting any younger. I'm twenty-eight. Practically your age, Albus!"

Dumbledore chuckled merrily, his eyes twinkling. It was obvious that Dumbledore rather enjoyed the woman's company.

"If you'll pardon me," Snape said suddenly. "I need a breath of fresh air."

Without waiting for permission, Snape stalked off toward the exit. Once more, Dixon sighed.

"It's useless," she said, sounding sad. "I've been sending him signals for ages and nothing has worked."

Tabitha suddenly felt very uncomfortable, not really wanting to hear this conversation, but for some reason felt compelled to hear what Dumbledore had to say on the matter.

"I told you it wouldn't be easy," he said. "As much as I'd like to see him happy, it will take time."

"I'm afraid I'm not very patient," Dixon concluded.

"Time will tell, my dear."

Tabitha didn't bother with excusing herself. She'd never been so worn out in her life and desperately needed a break. She asked Rosmerta's permission to take a breather.

"Go on dear, just make sure you're back in by a quarter til," Rosmerta told her. Tabitha thanked her, grabbed her coat and made a beeline toward the door.

It was gently snowing outside, the air was cold and crisp. Tabitha found Snape on the side of the building, leaning against the wall with his hands stuck in his pockets with a moody scowl. He gave a small start when Tabitha approached.

"Just me," she said, offering him a small smile.

"Thought you might be Dixon," he muttered. "Or Albus, come to tell me how cruel I am for dismissing her pathetic advances."

"She does come on a bit strong," Tabitha agreed, trying to remain neutral even though the whole thing annoyed her probably just as much as it annoyed him.

"Precisely," he agreed. "I like her much better when her mouth is shut, which is never."

"You could give her a chance," Tabitha said, shrugging. "You never know. She might be the perfect match for you. Opposites and what not."

Snape snorted derisively.

"And that wouldn't bother you?"

"Well yes," Tabitha answered honestly. "It would, but she's your colleague. I'm your student. She's a way more appropriate match for you than I am."

"Don't be stupid," he said sharply. "It's not her I want. You may be my student but you're ten times more desirable than Dixon could ever hope to be."

"She's pretty."

"Yes, but so are you and it goes beyond the surface. It doesn't with her."

"It could if you gave her a chance."

Snape eyed her strangely, apparently having a hard time figuring out her motive. Tabitha wasn't sure what they were herself. On one hand, she liked the him and wanted him all to herself but on the other, carrying on with him was a bit of a burden. Tabitha hated living in secrecy but it was a bit of a necessity to do so and he didn't seem to mind it one bit.

"You want me to give her a chance?"

"I don't know what I want," said Tabitha. "It's just so painfully obvious that she wants you and she can give you more than I can right now."

"Like what?"

"The chance to be openly in love with someone."

"I don't think I have it within my capacity to love anyone, at least not right now."

Tabitha was growing increasingly more frustrated. It wasn't that she wanted him to love her but if he wasn't willing to, what was the point of them carrying on like they were?

"So what are we doing then?" Tabitha asked, her hands on her hips.

"I told you what this was, I told you I wasn't looking for a wife!"

"I never said I wanted to be! But if all you're after is shagging, I'm not sure I want to be a part of it."

Snape was quiet for a moment, seemingly chewing over what she was saying and carefully choosing his next words.

"It's more than that. It is. But I don't know what it is exactly," he said finally. "I care for you but that's all I can give you."

"And that's fine," Tabitha said. "Just don't dick me around, yeah?"

"That was never my intention."

"Good." Tabitha checked her wristwatch. "Shit. I'd better get back inside and start preparing the champagne."

"When are you coming back to Hogwarts?"

"Sometime tomorrow," Tabitha answered.

"Come and see me when you get back," Snape told her. Tabitha nodded. "Oh and…" He reached forward, caught her by the sleeve and pulled her toward him, kissing her before she realized what was happening. It was a short-lived kiss but it warmed her all the same. "Since we can't at midnight."

It was almost ironic, in a sense. Because a little bit later, after midnight, Tabitha spotted him snogging Professor Dixon.

**Review prompt:** _Forgive me for being a bit lack luster. I killed my brain trying to learn math today and then my kid's school called because he threw up and I had to get him. What is something that you do to relax? _


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: **_Sorry for the delay in the update. Having health issues and other such shit. Won't bore you with details, but things are getting back to normal. I'm also working on a new story I plan on posting soon, so stay tuned for that! _

Chapter 6

Tabitha returned to Hogwarts with little fanfare. A good portion of her wanted to march to Professor Snape's office and ask him just what in the hell he had been thinking. But it was just easier to avoid him. She wasn't the confrontational sort but she had to resist the urge to strangle Dixon every time she caught a glimpse of her.

Of course Tabitha realized that she'd all but told Snape he could. And she was well aware of the fact that Dixon had been extremely drunk that night and there was a distinct possibility that she'd forced herself on him but from where Tabitha stood, it didn't look that way. His hands had been wrapped in her hair and their embrace lasted a lot longer than Tabitha thought it ought to if he truly hadn't wanted it. In fact, he seemed to be working her over quite well.

When classes started back, avoiding him was well...unavoidable. She knew he'd be angry and confused but she didn't rightly care. He was even more testy than usual her first potions lesson of the term but Tabitha gave him no reason to take it out on her. She'd turned in the blood replenishing potion they'd brewed and went to exit the classroom. Of course, she was well aware that he would call her back and wasn't disappointed.

"A word, Wexler," he growled just as she'd almost made it to the door. Tabitha stopped and grimaced. She'd almost made it out. Almost.

Of course he waited til the last student was gone before he acknowledged her presence.

"Is there a problem?" Tabitha asked. She couldn't keep the sarcasm out of her tone. He didn't find it amusing in the least. His nostrils flared slightly.

"You've been avoiding me," he told her. "Why?"

"You have to ask?"

"If I didn't have to, I wouldn't be, now would I?"

Tabitha took a deep breath and shut her eyes. This wasn't going to be easy but surely he had to have some idea.

"I saw you and Dixon after midnight on New Years."

"And what did you see?"

"The two of you. Snogging." Tabitha paused for a second. "You didn't think I wouldn't see you?"

"I was trying to forget about it," he said with a scowl.

"You seemed to be enjoying yourself."

"She caught me under fucking mistletoe," he growled. "After about four glasses of champagne. I was drunk."

"Is that supposed to be an excuse?"

"You were the one telling me I should give her the chance!"

"I meant hearing her out, not shoving your tongue down her throat!" Tabitha's shrill voice rang throughout the empty classroom. She hardly ever saw fit to lose her temper but she was having a hard time controlling it.

"It was a mistake! Nothing more, nothing less! And believe me, I am more than paying for it!" Snape kicked the side of his desk.

"And how are you paying for it, exactly?" Tabitha waspishly asked.

"She won't leave me alone now. Insists on sitting with me at meals, she's catching me between classes, doing her damndest to catch me alone in the staff room and she's decidedly more physical with her affections," he said, scowling deeper than ever.

"Want me to kill her?" Tabitha asked, half jokingly, half serious.

"Be my guest," he said with a snort. But his expression softened and suddenly he wouldn't look at her. Instead he stared straight ahead at the back wall."But even more so still, she's driven a wedge between you and me."

Tabitha was finding it increasingly more difficult to remain angry with him. Was what he had done unforgivable given the odd nature of their relationship? Tabitha realized that it wasn't the worst thing he could've done that night.

"You have to tell her outright that she needs to stop. Ignoring her advances isn't going to do shit except make her try harder," Tabitha told him, having resigned to the fact that she was no longer all that angry with him anymore. "She thinks she's in love and she's desperate. Tell her you have a girlfriend if you have to."

"How do I explain the kiss then?"

"Tell her it was a misjudgment on your part," Tabitha said, shrugging.

"But that's exactly what it was."

"I know, there's this interesting thing called telling the truth," Tabitha said, rolling her eyes.

"You think if I tell her that, she'll leave me alone?"

"Couldn't hurt to try. I'm willing to wager she'd back off. Sure, it'll wound her but she'll get over it," Tabitha explained. "But I have to wonder why you haven't told her fuck off. You have no issue getting ratty with your students. Why should she be any different?"

"She's a colleague," he said. "Not that I care about her feelings. But I didn't want to make things awkward."

"And they aren't already?"

"Fair point," he said. "If I tell her all of that, would you forgive me and quit avoiding me?"

"Never said I wouldn't forgive you. I'm not sure there's anything to forgive, really. It's not like you're bound to me," Tabitha reasoned.

"So why did you react the way you did?"

"I don't know."

"I think I do," he said, his voice going quiet. "You can't stand the thought of me being with anyone else because you've grown attached."

Tabitha couldn't think of a response. Was he right? Perhaps. Or perhaps it was the thought that she could be so easily replaced that bothered her the most. But she wasn't about to tell him that. Her insecurities were her own.

"I'm admitting nothing," she said flatly. "If that's what you choose to believe, by all means."

"Come by my office later," he said. "Bring your homework. I'll help you."

Tabitha wanted to tell him no, that she would be fine on her own, that she didn't need his help. And it was true, she didn't exactly. But she wanted his help. She wanted him. That scared her more than anything.

—

If there was one thing Tabitha was sick of, it was being called on after class to stay behind. Usually it was Snape but a few days after their little chat about Dixon, Dixon herself called on Tabitha to stay after class, saying she needed a word with her. Tabitha was more than a bit reluctant as Dixon was the absolute last person she wanted to be alone with and couldn't possibly fathom what Dixon wanted with her. Tabitha was excelling in Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"Glad to see you back at school, Miss Wexler," Dixon told her with a smile. She was standing, leaning on her desk casually in a pose that suggested that she was trying to project an air of carelessness, which made Tabitha all the more nervous. "I rather felt sorry for you, seeing you at work."

"Thanks, but I don't need sympathy," Tabitha said, feeling quite irritable. "I've been on my own for ages now."

"So Professor Snape was telling me the other day," Dixon said. Tabitha didn't react, wondering if Dixon had somehow found out about what was going on between herself and Snape. She would admit nothing, she wasn't stupid but that didn't make her feel any less nervous. "Speaking of which. I know this isn't exactly appropriate…but…" Dixon paused for a moment and bit her lip. "You know, I care a great deal about Severus."

"I gathered that," Tabitha said, trying to keep the dryness out of her voice.

"Right. I wasn't exactly tactful on New Year's Eve," Dixon said. "Had a bit much to drink. Sorry you had to witness that, by the way."

Tabitha merely shrugged at her and said, "You're not the first drunk person I've seen in my life."

"I also know he's taken a bit of a special interest in you." Tabitha froze for a moment, her mind a whirlwind of panic. "Of course, I think most of us have. We all want you to succeed, despite your upbringing. But I was wondering if during that extra time you spend with him if Severus mentions me at all."

Tabitha had to keep herself from breathing a heavy sigh of relief. Of course Dixon didn't suspect; Tabitha shouldn't have even been on Snape's radar as she was a student and should've been off limits.

"Not really, no," Tabitha replied. Dixon's face fell, looking noticeably stricken. Tabitha almost felt bad for her but couldn't bring herself to fully sympathize. What was the use of pestering a man if that man showed absolutely zero interest in you? It was rather pathetic but Tabitha wasn't about to tell her teacher that. "Not more than to report to me what you've said about my marks and my progress in class."

"Well, of course." Dixon gave her a thin lipped smile. "You're doing wonderfully and I'm happy to report it to him."

"I'm certainly glad of that."

"And...again, this is probably not appropriate, but do you think he's seeing someone? He's told me he is but yet I see a sign of it at all."

"Couldn't tell you, Professor," said Tabitha. "I don't delve into his personal life. It's not my business to do so. Strictly professional, yeah?"

"Of course," Dixon said, straightening up. "I just figured it would be more apparent if he were."

"I'd take him at his word. If he says he is, he probably is."

"So why did he snog me?" Dixon replied, looking irritable. She then had the good graces to look positively horrified. "Oh goodness, you didn't want to hear that."

"It's fine," Tabitha replied quietly. "I saw the two of you. So I already knew."

"Right." Dixon's face had flushed a shade of pink. "We were both rather drunk."

"It happens," Tabitha shrugged lamely. "I don't pretend to know or care. That's strictly between you two. I honestly don't know what to tell you, Professor."

"How does it feel to have a man who treats you so well?"

Tabitha had almost forgotten about her phantom boyfriend who sent her beautiful jewelry and was caught off guard for a second, thinking Dixon was talking of Snape. In reality, Snape didn't treat her that well either, but he still gave her more attention than he gave Dixon and it plainly bothered the beautiful witch that someone as young as Tabitha had apparently found someone who did treat her nice.

"It's not all sunshine and roses, honestly. It's a long distance relationship and we have to work hard to maintain it. I never know for sure what Phillip is up to, he could be seeing other girls behind my back. I'd never know."

Dixon nodded, looking more relieved than Tabitha felt she had a right to.

"I'm sure he's faithful," Dixon said, her voice gone suddenly chipper. "Sorry to bother you with my woes, darling. You're a model student and it's been a joy to teach you."

Tabitha smiled at her though she didn't really feel the warmth she was trying to portray, but said nothing as she took her leave, vowing to keep the conversation she just had to herself.

**Review Prompt: **_Tell me about your pets! I can't have any but if I had one, I'd want an opossum. They are just the bee's knees. _


	8. Chapter 7

_I know it's been incredibly too long since I've updated and to make up for that, I will be posting two chapters (if not consecutively, soon after publishing this one). I wanted to leave it as one long chapter but breaking it up made more sense considering how much happens at this point in the story. _

_Again, I'm terribly sorry for such a delay. My life has been a raging dumpster fire for a while now but I can say with confidence that things are looking up as I am putting effort into making improvements. I feel a lot better now than I have in what feels like an incredibly long time, perhaps ever.  
_

_I hope all of you who are keeping up with and enjoying this story like these next couple of chapters. I appreciate your patience and those of you who have reviewed. Again, no beta, so self-editing this and I'm aware that there are a few things I might've overlooked, so please pardon any mistakes. _

Chapter 7

The first week of February saw to it that Tabitha come down with a nasty cold. Of course, she wasn't the only one but she had a nasty aversion to taking medication and refused to visit the hospital wing for something to alleviate the symptoms. She'd had numerous colds in the past, this one would pass just like the rest. But going on to the second week of February, there was little to no improvement, though Tabitha didn't skip classes. Instead, she endured, trying hard to not let her coughing fits get the best of her. Potions was the worst of all; the fumes aggravated her already raw nose but the steam coming from her cauldron loosened some of the mucus in her nose. There was also of course the muscle aches and fatigue.

"You've got the flu, you realize," Snape told her when she arrived for her extra lessons one evening when he questioned her about her symptoms. "Pomfrey can mend you up in no time."

"She'll also tell me I need bed rest and I can't afford to miss any classes," Tabitha said, glumly. "It'll pass. It always does."

"You do need rest. I'm canceling our lesson tonight."

Tabitha sulked a bit; she had been rather looking forward to tonight's lesson. He was supposed to start teaching her Expecto Patronum, something she was eager to learn, knowing it would come in handy, especially as an Auror when she'd no doubt be visiting Azkaban.

"I'm fine, really," Tabitha pleaded. Snape raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm already here. You might as well teach me."

"You may stay but I'm not teaching you anything. Have a lie down on the couch. I'll light a fire." Snape pointed his wand at the fireplace and a fire roared to life instantly. He then summoned a quilt and pointed a commanding finger at the sofa. She sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to fight it and the sofa did seem inviting. She could hardly rest in her dorm with her classmates coming in and out at all hours, ceaselessly prattling on about some good looking boy they all had their knickers in a twist over. So, Tabitha plopped down on the couch and curled into a ball as Snape tossed the blue and white quilt over her. Tabitha was unable to stifle a yawn that overtook her. She was awfully sleepy when she stopped and thought about it.

Even with the fire, that normally warmed the drafty office, Tabitha still felt a chill that she just couldn't shake.

"Have you any more blankets? I'm still cold," she asked Snape. He placed a hand carefully on her forehead and felt her cheeks.

"You're running fever," he explained and went to a cupboard behind his desk, to rummage through, and to extract two bottles. He carefully poured her out a measure of both into a goblet and handed it to her. "One is a fever reducer, the other is a cough suppressant. You'll want Pepper Up potion but I'm afraid you'll have to go to the hospital wing for it. I'm out."

Tabitha drank the contents of the goblet, though she didn't much care for the flavor of the two potions mixed together. But she immediately felt warm again and her chest didn't feel as though it were on fire anymore. She thanked him as she handed him the goblet back. He took it wordlessly and placed it on his desk.

Tabitha drifted in and out of consciousness for a while; she wasn't sure how long she'd been there, she just knew that she was dreadfully tired and was annoyed when she was woken by a knock at the door. To her surprise and horror, it was Dixon and she looked a bit troubled to find Tabitha there.

"Oh, I didn't realize you had a student with you," Dixon said to Snape. Tabitha didn't move; they had done nothing wrong.

"She's ill with flu and I'm giving her refuge from a noisy dormitory so that she may rest," Snape explained.

"She did look awfully peaky during my class earlier," Dixon replied. She spared a sympathetic glance in Tabitha's direction but it didn't last long. "I was wondering if you'd accompany down to the village for some drinks. Just want to talk is all. Hash a few things out."

"Can it wait?" Snape asked.

"I'd rather it didn't."

"I'm afraid I'm a bit busy at the moment, Madeline. I have essays to grade and I'm not leaving a student alone in my office."

"A couple of hours at the very most," Dixon was pleading in earnest now. Tabitha almost felt sorry for her but she desperately wanted Snape to stand his ground and say no. She hated the idea of them being alone together under the influence of alcohol. It was a recipe for disaster as Tabitha had ever known. She didn't dare look at him.

"I'm sure Miss Wexler will be fine in her own dormitory," Dixon continued. "And if not, I doubt she'd wreck your office up. She's a sweet girl. Just a couple of hours."

Snape was silent for a moment and Tabitha knew he was actually contemplating it. And she had a sneaking suspicion that he would give in just to placate the pushy professor and to attempt to rid himself of her once and for all. Tabitha wasn't so sure it would work but she couldn't stop him.

"I suppose," he said after a long moment's silence. He turned to Tabitha, giving her a stern look. "You stay there and rest. I'll be back shortly."

"Excellent," Dixon beamed as Snape grabbed his traveling cloak from a hook near the door. Before he left, he turned and gave Tabitha an apologetic glance. She didn't dare look at him. She had to admit anxiety gnawed at her insides more than it should've. Surely Snape would be able to ward off her advances. But he hadn't been able to on New Years and that scared her the most.

Tabitha tried her hardest to not worry, knowing Snape would come back to her eventually but it was rather hard to sleep and when she did manage to drift off, she found herself having stress dreams filled with Snape snogging Dixon.

Two hours passed and there was no sign of Snape returning. Tabitha could no longer fight the fact that she needed sleep so she finally allowed herself to sleep completely, with her back to the fire, allowing it to warm her and lull her to slumber.

She was unaware of the time when she was woken up by a rather loud crashing noise. She sat up straight, looking around wildly for the source of the noise. Her eyes finally focused and she saw that Snape had returned. He was stumbling around in a frenzy, cursing to himself and clearing the top of his desk of it's contents.

"Fucking…" he growled as he kicked the side of his desk with the flat side of his shoe.

"What's wrong?" Tabitha asked, alarmed by his disheveled appearance. He wasn't wearing his traveling cloak; it had been tossed haphazardly by the door. His robes were wrinkled and some of the buttons hadn't been done up. His hair was sticking up in back. The obvious dawned on Tabitha. It felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room. "Oh my god," she said hollowly, fighting the urge to vomit.

"You-you couldn't possibly understand," he told her. He looked scared and defeated.

"What's there to understand?" Tabitha managed to choke out.

"She threw herself at me!"

"So that makes it perfectly okay to just go ahead and fuck her? Is that what I'm supposed to be understanding?"

"I didn't want to- it just sort of happened! I swear, Tabitha, you have to believe me!"

"Oh fuck you," Tabitha snarled, too angry to even cry. She hopped up from the sofa, fled from the office, not daring to let tears fall until she was sure she was quite alone.

She vowed to never return. There was nothing he could possibly say that would ever make her feel better.

—

The next few weeks seemed to drag by. Tabitha had never been so miserable in her life. She'd broken down and gone to Pomfrey to take care of her flu, so as to not give Snape a reason to ask after her. Pomfrey mended her in nothing flat, though she'd had to endure a night's stay in the hospital wing for observation considering how long she'd gone without seeking treatment.

Tabitha couldn't sleep. She could hardly eat. Her teachers had noticed the sudden change and McGonagall had flat out asked her what was wrong with her. Tabitha had lied, telling her she was just stressed about the NEWTs which were looming ever closer. While Tabitha was stressed about them, her misery had everything to do with the fact that Snape and Dixon seemed to be an official thing now and for a while, it seemed that's all anyone could gossip about.

They were hardly seen apart now; Tabitha had passed them more than once in the corridors. She'd refused to look at them but it was hard to miss Dixon's arm linked through Snape's. It was hard to miss the fact that Dixon was more chipper than she'd ever been and it was hard to miss that Dixon made it a habit to visit Snape during class, pulling him out into the corridor to "talk."

"So is it true then?" A particularly stupid Gryffindor boy had asked after Snape entered the classroom after Dixon had left one day. "Are you and Dixon a couple?"

Tabitha wanted to curse the moronic boy but kept her eyes glued firmly to her cauldron, though she was scarcely concentrating on it. Giggles and snickers rang through the room.

"That's none of your business, Sawyer," Snape told him, his voice strained.

"Well it's obvious something is up," Sawyer continued. Tabitha resisted the urge to spill the boiling contents of her cauldron on him.

"Forty points from Gryffindor," Snape replied lazily. "As I said, my personal affairs are not anyone's business at my own. Continue to pry and you'll regret it."

There was a collective groan from the other Gryffindors.

"Nice going, Sawyer," someone from behind Tabitha hissed.

Snape had tried several times to call Tabitha back after class but she'd simply ignored him and left anyway. She didn't expect him to chase her and he didn't, though one day, toward the end of March, he'd risen from his desk as the bell rang and stood at the door, waiting for her. He held her back physically, his arm crossed in front of her before she could exit, his hand on her shoulder, guiding her to his side until the last student had left and the door could be shut and locked behind them.

"You can't avoid me forever," he told her sternly once the classroom was empty. Tabitha scowled at him.

"I was doing a damn good job of it til you decided leaving well enough alone wasn't good enough," she snapped. She was feeling more than a little bitter. "But since I'm here, you can have your necklace back."

She pulled a small package from her bag and held it out to him. He merely looked at it as though it were something poisonous.

"I don't want it back. I got it for you."

"And I don't want it. It's just a reminder."

"If you'll just listen to me—"

"Listen to you what? Explain?"

"I know what I did was wrong but—"

"I'm tired, I have loads of homework and I just want to get out of here," Tabitha cut him off, sighing wearily. She wasn't in the mood to argue with him.

"You can still come to me if you need help," he told her.

"Not appropriate. You've got Dixon to occupy your time now. I can manage on my own, thanks."

"It's not her I want." Snape stared intensely into her eyes, as though he were begging her to forgive him. "I hate every single second I'm with her because she isn't you."

"Well, you've made your bed," Tabitha waspishly told him and reached for the door knob. He held his hand out, preventing her from reaching it.

"Don't be this way."

"What way? You make her a damn sight happier than you made me. Don't ruin it."

Before he could react, Tabitha again reached for the knob and yanked it open, leaving before he could protest, satisfied that she'd gotten the last word, pondering on them the whole way back to her dorm.

Had Snape made her happy? At one point she thought he had. She felt a connection to him deeper than she'd ever felt with anyone else. She knew what he wanted from her, but she didn't rightly care about that and had once been willing to oblige eventually. But did they have a future? Perhaps it was best that he finally figured things out with Dixon, no matter how miserable he thought he was. Dixon was willing to shag then and there. Tabitha was not.

**Review Prompt:**_ Snape and Tabitha have a mutual understanding about the exclusivity of their relationship so do you feel like Tabitha is overreacting to the situation or that she's justified in being upset by Snape involving himself sexually with another woman? My thoughts on the matter aren't black and white (the heart wants what it wants even if it isn't rational) but I'd love to hear what yours are. _


	9. Chapter 8

_Ugh, I am awful, I am so sorry for not posting this the way I said I would, I am a promise breaker. I half forgot, things just got crazy in a hurry and the whole pandemic thing hasn't helped matters because I'm having to be at home and do the whole distance learning thing with my kid with absolutely no free time (spoiler alert: it is not going well, I hate it). I'm going to go ahead and put this up with no promises for the next chapter(s) because with my track record, it won't get done like I say it will. I am, however, about to be posting a new story if anyone wants to go check it out. Again, I'm so sorry. Thank you to those that have taken the time to review in the past and the future. _

Chapter 8

Eventually, as the days and weeks wore on, the betrayal began to sting less, though there were times Tabitha was so lonely she could hardly stand it. So she found herself in the common room more, engaging in random conversation with her classmates, who though a bit suspicious of her, included her when she was willing to be included. She'd even taken to joining a NEWT study group which was mostly made up of Ravenclaws. They were fairly knowledgeable and didn't mind helping Tabitha with the things she seemed to struggle with.

But still, she thought of Snape often. He's grown steadily more cold toward her even going far as to completely ignore her if she had an answer to a question he was asking, even if her hand was the only one that was up. Her grade had also began to slip into dangerous territory once more but Tabitha wasn't too terribly worried. She was fairly confident that with his previous help, she'd be able to scrape a decent grade on the actual tests.

If he wanted to be a prat, let him, she thought.

One morning, toward the middle of April, a letter came for Tabitha with the usual morning post, which left her confused. She never got mail but one look at the loopy scrawl on the envelope told her all she needed to know. It was her mum writing her and Tabitha wasn't sure she wanted to read it. Her breath caught in her throat when she realized. She couldn't help but look up at the high table and her eyes found Snape's who was looking back at her, a queer look in his eye, as though he too were curious about who was writing to her. Tabitha wasn't about to open it up under his gaze. Instead she stood and quickly exited the Great Hall, looking for a safe haven where she could agonize over whether or not to open it.

Tabitha found an empty classroom and took refuge there. She sat on a desk for the longest time, agonizing over whether she wanted to open the letter or not. In the end, curiosity got the best of her. It couldn't hurt to read what she had to say, but Tabitha braced herself for the worst. Perhaps someone had died. But more than likely it was Lisa, newly clean, wanting something from her. Lisa couldn't get benefits for her anymore but doubtless knew that Tabitha had to sustain herself some way since she'd left. It was likely a plea for money, which Tabitha wouldn't give her.

_My lovely Tabby,_

_I know I'm probably the last person you'd want to hear from and I can't say that I'd blame you. I've hurt a lot of people but I realize I've hurt you most of all. I hate myself for it. I hate that I have this addiction and I hate what I let it become. _

_I've been clean for nearly two years now. Wasn't easy, I'll admit but I've made it without a single relapse. I gave up the smack about two weeks after you left. I wish I could say it was because of you leaving but it wasn't. I got caught shoplifting and they threw me in jail for a few weeks and I didn't have a choice. But when I got home and realized you weren't there, and that I missed you, I knew I couldn't go back to it. So I packed up everything I had, which wasn't much, and moved. Not anywhere drastic, I moved across London, away from my old mates and haunts, to a place where smack isn't nearly as easy to get. And it's worked so far. _

_I can't promise that I won't relapse. I wish I had that kind of confidence. But it's an everyday struggle but I'm making it through. I've got a job in a proper office. I answer telephones for my GP three days a week. I've lived in the same flat for about a year and a half. I go to meetings and I've met wonderful people there who've beaten their addictions. It gives me hope that there is hope for me. I also go to therapy twice weekly now and my therapist was the one who suggested I write to you though I know getting this letter to you won't be easy with you being up at that school. But I'll find a way, if I have to go to that pub we go to when we go to get your school things and ask the bar man to send it on to you. _

_I love you, Tabby. I don't expect that I'll hear back from you but I would love it if you did write back. I don't want anything from you, if that's what you're thinking. I'm not going to beg you to come home. You're an adult now and will be starting your own life once you're out of school. But I do hope that you'll find it in your heart to forgive me for everything. I know I wasn't a good mum to you but it would mean everything to me if we could have some sort of relationship. Please consider it. You're the most important person to me. _

_Love you always,_

_Mum _

Tabitha sat the letter in her lap and stared blankly at the wall in front of her. This was somehow worse than what she had anticipated. It would be easier to ignore had Lisa asked her for anything but forgiveness. Tabitha couldn't just readily accept the apology, though she was certainly glad to hear that Lisa was doing well. But there was no telling how long that would last. Tabitha did not want to harbor hope.

Tabitha sat there for the longest time, trying hard to not think. The letter lay limply in her hands but she didn't dare look at it or read it over again.

The door opened, but Tabitha didn't look up. She knew it was Snape and while she wasn't bothered, she didn't exactly want to talk to him either.

"Your mother?" He asked. Tabitha looked up at him and he was eyeing the letter rather than her. Tabitha merely nodded at him and held it out for him to take.

"She's not dead if that's what you're thinking," Tabitha told him as he took the letter from her. "Quite the opposite, really."

Snape took his time pouring over the letter, his face and expression unreadable as his eyes moved back and forth over the text. Tabitha waited, knowing he'd have an opinion.

"She seems remorseful," Snape said once he was finished. "And genuine. But I can see how it would upset you."

"I'm not upset," Tabitha insisted, though she felt very on the verge of tears.

"You aren't?" Snape asked, an eyebrow quirked. "So that's why you're holed away in here, alone?"

"You're here aren't you?" Tabitha asked, sounding a bit more rude than she intended. "I don't know what to think, is all."

"You're worried it's too good to be true. She's burned you one too many times for you to fully accept that she's capable of change. And the worst part is that you very well could be right but you want to think that you aren't."

Tabitha stared at him for a moment, unable to comprehend how he knew exactly what it was she was feeling when she couldn't quite grasp it herself. Hearing it spoken out loud in such a blunt manner made her unable able to hold back her tears. All she'd ever wanted was for her mum to be well, to be normal, to love her daughter more than she loved drugs. And it seemed as though it had finally happened so it made no sense that she should be sitting there, crying like an idiot.

"What do I do?" Tabitha asked once she was able to contain her tears.

"I'm not the right person to ask. It is not in my nature to be forgiving," Snape told her. "You could give her another chance and risk her relapsing. Or you could choose to ignore it and risk her relapsing because you've chosen to cut her out of your life. It's not an easy matter."

"Well, that makes me feel loads better." Tabitha rolled her eyes as she wiped them with the back of her hand to clear the remaining moisture from them.

"Speaking of second chances," he said, taking a step closer to her. "You could start with giving me one."

"Oh steady on," she told him, her eyes narrowed. "Don't make this about you."

"If I see an opportunity, I'm going to take it. I'm every bit as Slytherin as I appear to be," he said simply, still inching closer and closer to her, as though he were approaching a wounded animal, until he was directly in front of her. "I fucked up. I know I did. I regret it every single second of every single day."

"So why are you still seeing her?"

"The honest answer is because it's easy. I have needs. I admit, it's a mistake. She's far more invested than I am. She wants marriage, she wants a family. I have no interest in any of that at this point," Snape said. Peculiarly, he was looking Tabitha in the eye as he told her all of this, unblinking. It made Tabitha uncomfortable but it told her that he was being as honest as he could be. "She isn't you, either. She's not content to just sit and enjoy silence like you are. You and I don't have to talk. She's constantly running that mouth of hers and it's irritating."

"But she shags," Tabitha said.

"Yes but that's only one small bonus in a mountain of imperfections that is Maddy Dixon."

There was that pang of longing in Tabitha's chest, one reserved for when ever Snape was around and one she'd grown calloused to over the weeks. But she hadn't been in such close proximity to him in quite sometime.

"So chuck her then," Tabitha told him, unable to meet his gaze anymore. "If she makes you so miserable, give her the boot. It's not complicated."

"If I did, would you start seeing me again?"

"Why should it matter? You should be okay being on your own. I know I am," Tabitha stated truthfully.

"Do I really make you unhappy?"

"You fucked another woman," Tabitha pointed out. "Would it make you happy if I shagged someone that wasn't you?"

"You and I are not exclusively attached," Snape was dangerously close now, his large nose was within centimeters of her cheek.

"Doesn't make it right."

"It doesn't. But allow me the chance to make it up to you."

Tabitha had to admit that she missed him a lot more than she told herself she did but her common sense was telling her to stop while she was ahead. But her more impulsive side, the side she tried not to let rule her, told her to throw caution to the wind. There had to be a compromise somewhere. If she really wanted, she could have her cake and eat it too. But what would it ultimately cost her? She didn't care anymore. She just knew she wanted him.

"Chuck her first," Tabitha told him. "Break it off with her and I'll think about it."

Snape backed off of her suddenly and straightened out to his full height.

"Consider it done," he said. "My Office after supper. We've got a lot to catch up on."

Tabitha merely nodded and said nothing as he left.

**Review Prompt: **_My life has been seriously impacted by addiction as both someone who cares about someone who has been an addict and as someone who has struggled with substance abuse myself. I like to believe that no one is beyond hope but I have seen those who cannot overcome their demons no matter how hard they try. Given that Tabitha's mother has struggled with addiction seemingly before Tabitha was even born, do you think she should put it behind her and be supportive of her mother's sobriety or do you believe it's much more beneficial to keep things the way they are simply because she's better off without her mother in her life when there's a very large chance that her mother will end up relapsing? There's no wrong way to answer this. _


End file.
